Too Much Choice Will Kill You

I think I am addicted to Uncle Ben's Express Rice, and I think it's going to be my downfall.

My one major weakness with foodstuffs, and manufacturers have obviously been cottoning on to this in the past few years, is having to try the different varieties that are on offer. It got out of hand with the lemon and yogurt Kit Kat a few years back—they nearly lost me there, I suspected desperation on their part—but on the whole I HAVE to try all the different flavours and ingenious new delivery methods they spend millions on dreaming up. Why, I might be missing out on something that's obviously going to unlock the mysteries of life if I don't. I would be forever in the dark if I had never tried that Wispa Gold all those years ago. I mean, chocolate, WITH CARAMEL! If I stayed away from that fella, I surely would have missed out on that innovative, never-before-or-since marriage of tastes and textures. Thank goodness I gave in.

And so, Uncle Ben's Express Rice comes in roughly a googolplex different varieties. Off the top of my head there's Mexican style, Chinese style, special fried rice style, tomato and basil, mushroom, chicken, golden vegetable...

I thought this was going the same way as the lemon and yogurt Kit Kat... and then today I discovered...

Uncle Ben's Express Risottos.

BASTARDS.